found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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