who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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