Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
