She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
