I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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