you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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