I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Found your dick twin last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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