If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
