either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
