please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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