i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
