Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
