He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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