I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
