I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
