i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
