We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
