"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
