i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
