I wish I could teleport
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
