I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
