You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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