She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
God, I missed his penis.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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