I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
