i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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