The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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