So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
