After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize