Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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