I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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