I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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