but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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