Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
