The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
