Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
