Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
