My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My pussy is not your playground.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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