when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Vodka?
Forever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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