you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
