I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
