that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
