Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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