I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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