im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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