i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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