Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
