omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i already hear my dad disowning me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
