Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
