My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am one with the molecules
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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