It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
