Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
