Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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