i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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