I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
