dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
