Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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