we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
