I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
