Say something about gay babies.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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