Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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