just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
