You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
