This girl is more easily done than said...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
