69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
