I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can Purell be used as lube?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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