What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize