i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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