Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I did not marry a roomba.
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