Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
