Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
