i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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